Compelled by a mix of his own decrepit beast-thought and the urging of the buzzers, Nobad at long last took off in the direction of the strange, salty, deadly scent that you and I knew was indicative of dolphins, and it was surely fortunate the scabrous cretin was so trusting of your guidance. He couldn't possibly have understood that his loved human was traveling with two of the creatures at that very moment. Following this sour trail, the canid ducked and wove his way through the library's increasingly peculiar carnage with admittedly impressive reflexes. Many of the more tangible horrors had by now fallen victim to the physical bloodshed, the crumbling maze littered with the towering carcasses of hard-storage media formats, but that only left the battlefield open to the fury of more abstracted sub-concepts. Entire media formats had been eviscerated, but that had only let loose their rich tapestry of techniques, of subgenres, of storytelling devices to scuttle free from those steaming linguistic bowels hungrier than ever.
And as much as the thing running all this might insist otherwise, you really were lucky that this whole business wasn't an animated series. For one thing, you might have missed out on the superb narration I've provided. For another, your insipid minds (this is a compliment where I'm from, of course) were ill-prepared to confront the true manifest form of the Deus Ex Machina, the In-Joke, the Author Insert or the Ironic Ending. Still, a part of this narration wishes you could have seen how deftly the horrid "doggee" could parkour between the whipping tentacles and slobbering mouthparts of tired cliche's you'll be glad are doomed to perish from your zonal continuity.
Nobad slipped like the world's greasiest shadow between the snapping pincers of a ravenous sideplot that would have derailed this series to depths unheard of in its already meandering history. He dodged the dripping mandibles of an impromptu reboot whose reinterpretation of Fern would have been in questionable enough taste to elicit a social media controversy. And as he leapt over the dribbling stinger-tail of an indefinite hiatus, you'll be pleased to know, his filthy little claws momentarily kicked directly off the thing's closest equivalent to an "eye," leaving a smear of something that would have no doubt developed into a rather nasty infection had the hateful creature not been later torn in half by the barbed talons of a Karmic Plot Twist. Wow, the little thing could really move when he thought he knew where he was going.
The smell of dolphin was stronger and stronger. Dolphin that, somehow, he faintly understood would bring him back into the arms of the only thing he loved, and loved with every gurgling sputter of a heart that now existed in far too many overlapping zones to ever stop squirting its slightly-too-thick juices through his slightly-too-mushy bodily materials no matter how many dead and dying parasites might clog its inflamed valves. As if to underscore my appetizing prose, he halted for just one brief moment as he hacked up a tiny splatter of some blackish-looking liquid, and excitedly lapped up the surprise snack just in time to avoid the mutilated carcass of a Dated Meme Reference, but lucky for you, it hadn't had a chance to finish molting into whatever a Globbgabyoulabb(???) is before it was decapitated by a Poorly Justified Convenience.
The ultimate goal of all these dreadful things, of course, was to work their way up to The Core Conceptobeing of the whole zone, smelling his equivalent of "blood" as he tangled with Willis, hoping they might bore their way deep into his compromised membranes and weave themselves into the most fundamental fabric of everything he represented. Perhaps we might have had an opportunity to intervene in that situation, but perhaps we, by which I mean you, would have inadvertently made things astronomically worse? It certainly would not have been the first time. Hoo boy, you don't want to know some of the things that might have gone more favorably had you and Fern made some more informed choices. It's really a shame I couldn't have been there to compensate for your stup...idlyyyyy smart ideas! I'll bet I "got you there," didn't I? Us friends, we tease each other, but really it's a sign of our mutual respect and support.
So, there went Nobad, rocketing with all his might towards his goal. A goal that would, I can promise, bring us to the end of this terrible ordeal and back to the other terrible ordeal most of you are more accustomed to. With multiple pages of this already now written, you needed only sit back, relax, and bask in the fruits of your well-informed decision-making skills.
