Written by Jonathan Wojcik

2016's New CRAZY BONEZ!

Last year, we reviewed the then-fairly-new "Crazy Bonez" line of Halloween skeletons, produced by Seasons corporation and bringing a little fresh variety to the skeleton wars. This year, they've cranked out even more bony buddies, some of which I can't wait to see in person and take home with me!

Skeleton Owl

Starting with one of the most ordinary, the new owl follows the whimsical logic of 2015's crows and vultures, with weird, invented bone phalanges lining its wings and even a pair of bony "horns" where an owl might have feathery tufts. Crazy Bonez don't aim for biological accuracy, and it doesn't make sense to be critical of that. They're just having fun coming up with zany bone monsters. This line is not called "Normal Bonez."

Skeleton Parrot

Due entirely to its association with pirates, the parrot is the very last bird associated with Halloween after crows, vultures and owls, though it's also appropriate for such themes as haunted pet stores, haunted zoos, and haunted rainforests. This leaves seasons with no more directly "spooky" bird choices, but why stop there anyway? As far as birds are concerned, I'd love to see some flightless specimens, like a skeleton dodo or a skeleton kiwi.

Why doesn't anyone throw "haunted rainforest" Halloween parties, anyway?

Skeleton Bat

This one was so obvious, I'm surprised it took until 2016! It's a damn nice looking bat, too. Its accuracy is stellar, besides those "bone ears" sported by all the Crazy Bonez mammals that I already defended and stand by my defending thereof. The bat's little feet are even hooked, so you can easily hang it from wires or sharp edges!

Skeleton Chameleon

This is another mostly "fancicul" one, not really getting a chameleon's weird feet right, but the whole thing is just gorgeous either way, especially that head sculpt with its big, circular eyes and fine, scaly looking details! It also has a bendable tail and articulated jaw, though how fun would it have been if it also had a bendable tongue? In Crazy Bonez tradition, the tongue would actually also have to be made out of bones. You could actually just take the tail off a spare chameleon to give the first one a tongue, but that might be a little too much effort and money to devote to fake lizard tongues.

Skeleton Frog

Just last year, I found two completely unrelated skeletal frog items and talked about how great that was. Now, we've got a third spooky Halloween bonefrog available, and it's my favorite of the new additions already. I can never get enough undead frogs. Heck, I can hardly get enough regular dead frogs. You do not understand how good frog's legs are if you haven't had the salty onion-fried kind from a Chinese buffet. Don't look at me like that, frogs. You would eat you too. In fact, you do it all the danged time!

Skeleton Alien

So Seasons is now dipping into pure fantasy territory, and I'm all for it. Aliens this year, any number of monster skeletons in 2017? The best thing about the Alien model is the selection it comes in. There's also a neon green version, and you can buy both colors as only a skull, if the full-body spaceman is a little too much for you. What kind of U.F.O do skeleton aliens ride around in? Is it also made of bones? Wait...what do they probe people with?

My only lamentation with this new batch? Last year featured a scorpion and two completely different spiders. This year, every new skeleton is an animal that actually does have a skeleton, which is marginally less daring than their debut. Still, it's pretty fantastic that we had some plastic skeleton bugs at all, which return this year along with the new lizards and frogs they should share a bitter rivalry with, if all skeletons weren't well known to be on the same side.