Written by Jonathan Wojcik

October 6: The Best Tie in the World Ever

   Seeing as "formal" clothes to me mean clothes without pictures of bugs on them, I'm not someone who usually, or in fact ever, wears ties, but that very well could have changed if only I'd been able to take home this:

   Yes, I really saw a Halloween Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkin Zombie Tie, all the way in Iowa at a Quick Trip gas station while spending a few weeks with my not-made-up girlfriend's family. Tragically, this is about the best approximation I can give you from my rapidly fading memory. I couldn't buy it, because it was only a promotional item a cashier had to wear as part of her uniform, and I couldn't get a real picture of it because that would have looked like this:

   I'm probably not even remembering you correctly, Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkin Promotional Quick Trip Halloween Zombie Tie, but at least I'll incorrectly remember you always. And maybe, just maybe, a few of your kind will trickle down into the second-hand market. Any conceivable situation forcing me to wear a tie would probably be too grave a tragedy for you to be appropriate, but I could have at least put you on a dummy or a scarecrow, which, now I think of it, would have been a whole lot more satisfying in the first place.