By Jonathan Wojcik

Up Next for Halloween 2011:

  I realize late September isn't exactly the "last minute" to start a Halloween thing by most people's standards, but I'm accustomed to gearing up my site's Halloween festivities by the first of August. Traditionally, I would just yak about all the weirdest and wackiest Halloween trinkets I was adding to my collection, but while Halloween continues to be one of America's biggest events, its merchandising has gotten a little dry these past few years. Funny purchases alone are no longer enough to sustain my seasonal blabber, so this time around, I'm expanding my horizons.

   As often as I can until October 31st, I'll be presenting whatever the hell I can think of with a seasonal flair.But first, here's another damn mummy. Oh yes, I've already got several this season.

  This is Zip-along Mummy, which I actually picked up all the way back in July. I've still only seen one instance of him at one Hallmark store out of six or seven scattered around town, so he may be a leftover from some previous year that I somehow overlooked. I'm glad he waited another year for me, if such is the case. "Zip-along" plushes are a Hallmark Halloween tradition, so named because they vibrate when the strings on their backs are pulled, causing them to buzz around in aimless directions on smooth, hard surfaces.

  There are several good things about Zip-along mummy. For starters, it's a mummy. Previous Zip-alongs have included ghosts, bats, skulls, owls, spiders and nondescript hairy monsters, but never a dessicated human corpse. In this case, a squat, wedge-shaped human corpse, like a mummified fallout baby or perhaps a dead candy corn person. I really like his expressionless pink eyes, and the fact that he's in a sitting position so he actually flies around tables on his cute little vibrating ass.

Here is some "fan art" of Zipalong Mummy, with the words "Zipalong Mummy" on it:

You are in for such a treat these next five weeks, I know you can tell.