Halloween 2007: July & August finds

It's that time of year again! Will I top the insane discoveries of 2006? Will I ever buy a better camera? Find out as I once again expand my collection of Halloween merchandise from the end of July to the beginning November!

July 31 - Michael's Craft Store

-"BOO" In a Box-

My first major purchase of the year, this Halloween jack-in-the-box isn't physically very impressive at all, resembling something I could probably make by hand for half the cost; but I just had to take it home when I discovered the music it plays:

BOO IN A BOX SOUND CLIP (MP3)

Who wants to bet that they were in no way licensed to use Ghostbusters?

-Sparkly Haunted Tree Candleholder-

There's nothing really entertaining about this guy, but I decided to include him for the sake of completeness. I've always liked spooky, haunted trees and you don't see too many of them as figurines on their own; they're usually pushed to the background for other, more popular monsters.

-Bug-eyed animal flashlights-

The only other thing I felt like picking up from Michael's, these great little plastic cats and rats have bright, light-up eyeballs to make their crazed expressions even freakier.

August 7th - Marshall's

-Spooky Nutcracker-

The third earliest place to find Halloween junk after Michael's and most party supply stores has always been the Marshalls, Kohl's and TJMaxx family of stores.   They all go by different names, yet they all stock the same exact items. In 2007, this includes a set of cheap, creepy nutcrackers, the creepiest of which is this awesome Mr.Hyde-looking skeleton guy with his very own skeleton cat!    Oddly, this entire line cracks nuts between its chin and its chest or necktie, rather than in its mouth. That's a mighty powerful chin.    TJMaxx, incidentally, was my very first job; a grueling, soul-crushingly idiotic position attaching the "keeters" (colored, plastic rings indicating size) to the clothes hangers in a dank, dusty back room with no air conditioning.    By now, you have probably determined out that I keep rambling just so the text can fill space next to my stupidly tall photo, but you're actually only half right. I'm also trying to stall you in preparation for what is about to be seen.

....What?

There is nothing to say that could possibly enhance your experience looking at this.

August 11th - A.C. Moore

-Awesome Cackling Undead-

The coolest Halloween toy line I've ran across in years, these hollow rubber figures are over nine inches tall and laugh menacingly when squeezed - with light-up eyes! It's simple, it's pointless, and it's fucking awesome. My personal favorite is the rancid green mummy, but the reaper is objectively the coolest as a year-round novelty item. Send one to your favorite senior!

August 17th - Big Lots

-SKULL Crossing?!-

This cute litte wooden sign (which refuses to photograph clearly) may appear mundane until the words "skull crossing" have a chance to sink in.    "Skeleton crossing" would make a reasonable amount of sense in the Halloween context, but what the hell kind of place would you need to watch out for fleshless, disembodied head traffic?! Do you even really want to slow down or stop in such a place?

August 21st - Back to Marshall's

-Dandy Flying Skeletons-

What's not to love about these carefree cadavers who so flamboyantly prance through the air on their leathery mutant wings? So joyful, their colors blind my camera under every possible lighting.

August 23rd - Back to Marshall's...again

-A Lucky Gentleman-

I honestly tried to avoid this. "I have more than enough pumpkin-headed figurines", I told myself. "He's really not that exciting on his own", I'd say...but the male counterpart to my more terrifying Marshall's find kept nagging at my brain until I finally caved in and reunited the ghastly couple. The best part is how he has a much smaller head than his lovely wife but a somewhat larger hat.

August 27th - Petco

-Squeaky coffin buddy-

This year, petco offers a series of three soft, squeaky corpses breaking out of soft, squeaky coffins. Unfortunately, they only come in mummy, vampire and Frankenstein's monster flavor - no skeletons, despite how obvious that would be, how much cooler looking that would be and the fact that a skeleton has far more business in a coffin than Frank's or an egyptian pharaoh.

-Ghost eyes on a rope-

If you're a dog and you're tired of dropping your ghost eyes in the shower, your worries are over! These have no official name, but I'm calling them ghost eyes on account of their adorable pointy ghost-butts. Cutting them free from their rope has turned out to be something I slightly regret - I really should have just hung them up the way they are - but you can't beat hollow latex ghost-eyes even with gaping holes on top.    The purple one is the only one without a mouth, unless the giant eyeball is the mouth and those little purple dots on top are its real eyes...I like that idea. The more I think about it, the more intentional it seems. What else would those dots be?

August 29th - Hallmark

-Zip-Along Ghost-

This is one of those stuffed toys with a pull-string that causes it to vibrate, which normally just spin in place or wander aimlessly when placed on a hard, flat surface. Not so with Zip-along ghost. Zip-along ghost knows exactly where he's going. I like to think they hired NASA physicists to make sure these guys always move forward. Have you ever seen anyone so happy to be trapped between life and death?

August 31st - Joann etc.

-"Roly Poly" Figures-

I can always count on some cool figures from Joann, and these may be their neatest contributions yet. Ten inches tall with deranged faces, wicked bony hands, elaborate outfits and poseable wire arms, there isn't much more you can ask for in a decorative figurine. Here are the ones I did not buy. The pumpkin is the clear winner (those pants are even SHINIER in person) but I also got the mummy because I like mummies. If I go for another one, it's obviously going to be monocle-carrying Frankenstein's monster. Or is he just a zombie? I don't see any neck-bolts, unless they're hiding under his fabulous giant tie.

August 31st - Ross

-Giant Spider Witch-doctor-

Ross is yet another store that shares its stock with Marshall's and TJMaxx, but with a fair share of its own exclusive items like this totally snazzy porcelain witch-spider, cooking  up some SERIOUS juju with his necklace of human skulls. He even points right at us as he tweaks his hat, as if to say "you're next, boy!" in what is most likely a heavy Cajun accent.    Or maybe we've just come to a crossroads and he's offering some sage advice before we part ways. Reminding us to "keep it real", perhaps, or even warning us to watch out for his uncle Kurt, the gumbo vendor. The less said about uncle Kurt's gumbo, the better.    Also note the difference in size between the skulls around his neck and the skull on his back. Either one of them belonged to a giant, or the rest belonged to babies.

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