's 2013 Horror Write-off:

"And That's How I Got Here"

Submitted by Michael Behnke

    I left the party. I was mad. She had no right to do that to me. The woods were dark, but it was only a short trek back to my neighborhood. I'm not sure you could even call them “woods”. It was a short strip of nature between two suburbs. Whatever, there were trees and critters and no fucking street lights. That equals woods.
Anyway, I was making my way through these woods, right? I had my headphones in, even though that sort of made things scarier. I mean, I couldn't hear anything around me, only the music. Like, something could totally sneak up on me. But dude, it's the suburbs, what the fuck roams the wilds of the 'burbs besides a stray dog or maybe some coyotes? The beer probably gave me some courage.
    - I bet.
Look, it doesn't matter, because what happened next...I saw it, I didn't need to hear it.
So I'm walking along, and suddenly it's there.
    -What's there?
Dude, I don't know what the fuck it was, it was just there! Like, a shadow, but, you know, more real. What did my brother call it? A um.....uuuhhh....sssii. Shit Um..AH! A silhouette! Yeah, that's it! So yeah, this silhouette just comes around this copse of trees, right in front of me. Dude, seriously, I shit a brick.
    -That seems unlikely.
No, a brick did not literally come out of my ass, man, it's a turn of phrase. Anyway, so this thing comes out and I am stunned. It didn't look like a man exactly. I mean, all the right parts were there, like, arms, legs, head...but they weren't right. Like, you know? The arms and legs were too thin, and the head was all slumped. Like if the dude had a broken neck, or something. I don't know, all I know was that it freaked-me-the-fuck-out. So I rip my headphones out and shout “Wassup dawg!?”
    -That's how you scare away monsters?
Shut up. I don't know why that was the first thing I said, it just was. Anyways, the thing doesn't move, it just stands there. Meanwhile, I'm getting more and more freaked-out. It felt like forever, but I eventually ask “What do you want?”. Now it fucking talks, man.
It says “I want what all things want. Life”. So now I'm fucking trippin' out! I just wanna run, but I can', it's like I'm frozen, you know? So we stand there, not saying 'nuthin for who knows how long. After the most painful silence of my life, it fucking talks again. It says    “Life is delicious, is it not?”. And I'm all like “Sure dude. Yeah, it's great.” I seriously just wanted to get home, and I was gonna tell this dude whatever he wanted to hear. Motherfucker was like, at least ten feet away from me. After I answered he was seriously right up in my grill. The dude, like, teleported. I mean he was right there!
    -Your grill?
My face, man. He was in my face! He was leaning over me, but like, not quite, because his fucked-up broken neck put his head right at the level of mine! Ugh, it was even worse because he was, like, standing right in front of me, but his head was all hanging off to the side. Dude it was fucked up. So at this point I freak and try to push him away. You wanna know what happens?
My hands go right through him. Just right through! I don't know what to do, so I just scream “Fuck off, dude!”. I swear to god, he just smiled. Like, I know he didn't have a face or 'nuthin, but he smiled. I just fucking know it. I could feel it. He fucking smiled. So then his floppy-ass head whispers in my ear “Yes, it is quite precious”. And then....
    -Then what?
Then...I feel warmth running down my neck. Just like hot chocolate running down my shirt...
That was it.
    -That was it?
Yeah, then I woke up here.
Anyways, what's your number?
    -6,579,800,274. Why?
Shit, I have awhile to wait.