CHAPTER I: SUDDEN HOSPITALITY


You've awakened in a strange, nightmarish medical facility haunted by grisly monsters...and some of them are kind of rude.
Intro
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001: Start
Clown Painting
....clown? Painting?
002: ???!
003: Angrily demand to know the whereabouts of your child
004: ask again where your SON is
005: why are you green?
006: examine room
007: take something sharp
008: exit room
009: enter opposite room
010: HIDE!
011: uhhhhhhh
012: ....what?
013: Thank the blood stain, ask it questions
014: Leave cupcake
015: Return to hall
016: Investigate metal door
017: Try the room with the green trail
018: Engage the nose in conversation
019: It won't shut up! Leave!
020: Now where?
021: Gooey pink eyes
022: No.
023: Follow the bleeder
024: Checking the smelly room
025: Checking the sighing room
026: Checking the muttering room
027: What's that spine's problem?
028: Do this, do that. How about no?
029: Down the hall
030: BEHIND YOU

Fetch Quest

031: A delicate procedure
032: Wake up
033: Take a better look around this time
034: Revisit the sad thing.
035: engage conversation with purple object.
036: continue this thrilling exchange of misery.
037: Retun to the spine.
038: NEW AMAZING PRODUCTS
039: Inquire further about the inventory
040: Check on the bloodstain, you need blood!
041: Try the spleen again?
042: The skull!
043: Now is not "morphin" time
044: Take the school on a ride!
045: Buy stuff!
046: You've got an inventory! Hooray!
047: Take louse treatment to the eyeballs
048: Meanwhile, whatever this is happened
049: Look closer at what you have wrought
050: Take the fogger to the nose
051: UGH NOW WHAT
052: Take gas pills to the stomach
053: DUCK AND COVER!
054: Give the spleen Malaria. You know you want to.
055: hide quick!
056: leave the hall?
057: ??!

The Kidney Stones

058: there is a hole here.
059: What did you do?!
060: Retreat?
061: Diplomacy?
062: MOM RAGE
063: The Decisive Battle
064: CHEESE IT!
065: Find the fogger
066: Poison your weapon
067: FATALITY
068: Did you win?
069: You did! I guess!
070: Get some loot

The Laboratory

071: Back to the hall
072: Turn right
073: Question body parts.
074: Free pamphlets!
075: Peepin'
076: The X-ray lab
077: Observations
078: The Refrigerator!
079: BLOODBAG ATTACKS!
080: Use the....thing?
081: You won! For now!
082: Check the refrigerator
083: Phage is smarter than he thought!
084: Test on the rat
085: X-ray yourself
086: X_X

Exploring the West Wing

087: Surgery
088: Wake Up
089: Get cupcake and card
090: Check the hall
091: Why not a map?
092: Take a left
093: Approach the secretary.
094: Conversation mode!
095: Peep through the door
096: Ask the smiling door.
097: Converse with doors.
098: Enter creepy hallway.
099: Announcement!
100: 100th Page Fan Art Gallery!

The Abyss

101: Continue down the hall...
102: Open the scary-ass door
103: That's IT?
???
???
???
???
???
???
???
???

Meeting the Flesh Door

104: Oh good another door monster
105: Conversation mode
106: Look inside
107: Make an offer
108: Take the note
109: Peep
110: Cautiously knock
111: Question Doctor Man
112: Continue questioning.
113: Possible plan.
114: duck out.
115: RANDOM BATTLE
116: Pathomon
117: Tackle attack!
118: Like wet, spongy puppies
119: Item? Got?

The Cafeteria

120: That smelly smell
121: Into the cafeteria
122: Ask about sloppy joes
123: What
124: Harmlessburger
125: Seduce Harmburger
126: Have it your way
127: Option four
128: ....Huh?
129: That's it. No, really this time.
130: Listen up, whatsits.
131: Follow the burger.

The Quest for Meat

132: A land of pure evisceration.
133: Grinding Chuck.
134: BBQ Girll.
135: Grilling conversation.
136: Shopping List.
137: Item one
138: Item two
139: Item three
140: Item four
141: Item five
142: Items six to twelve
143: Making the deverberator
144: Awaking the reverberator
145: BATTLE!
146: Considering Tubes
147: Fiends to the end
148: *sad trombone*

Cafeteriagate

149: Surgery
150: Wake Up
151: Frabjous day!
152: Ghosts of Celebrationating's Past
153: To the Cafeteria
154: Sandwich retrieval
155: BANE appetit!
156: You can't have any pudding, either
157: Try the bag
158: This door's kind of a jerk, really
159: A persuasive argument
160: EAT
161: It's got your name all over it!
162: Believe in yourself, and you can do anything!
163: CONSUME
164: Final blow
165: Total Doorstruction
166: Ejected!
167: No-one flatulates like Gaston

Ora and Lexis

168: To the other awful door
169: Epic Mealtime
170: We Meat At Last
171: Futurama already used "Parasites Lost." Darn it.
172: Conversing with Lexis.
173: Take the key.
174: Ponder an escape.
175: Feeling funny
176: Sleepy

Flashbacks

177: Tiny little memory
178: Feverdack
179: Shot in the arm
180: Unwell
181: Phone call
182: Please eat
183: WERE'S MOMY
184: Family 2
185: hole frend
186: There, that oughta fix this thing
187: I SAID that oughta FIX that thing.
188: Worse? What do you mean "worse!?"
189: Omnizonal WHAT!? That's a junk theory!
190: Whatever's wrong with it, we'll find it. We're the best.
191: I regret to announce that I must call a meeting that is not about myself.
192: ???
193: sleapy momie
194: Indigestion
195: You: 2? Doors: -2

CHAPTER II: DEAD INSIDE


You didn't think things could get any weirder, until you found yourself slaying ravenous worms in the rotting interior of your own corpse. Features its own self-contained story arc!

To the Morgue

196: Investigate surroundings
197: Dr. Man's hole
198: A little too creepy, even for here.
199: Nobody waits around reading a paper like Gaston.
200: Fan Art Gallery II!
201: Queue you later
202: Elevator
203: Merry Spooksmas
204: The Morgue
205: Lively conversation
206: A-maze-ing navigational skills
207: Familiar places
208: Observation mode
209: More observations
210: Try a drawer
211: Grave implications
212: Split personality
213: That bites
214: Fung-gal
215: At least it wasn't tooth decay
216: Well, you remember this one.
217: Getting the creeps
218: Quit stabbing yourself! Quit stabbing yourself!
219: Peanut worm and jelly
220: Spa treatment
221: Unlocking the door
222: Opening the door
223: NOTHING! TRA LA LA.
224: Or your lives, if you're into that sort of thing
225: This is feeling familiar
226: Pac attack

Deathly Dungeons

227: Angry floating
228: Welcome...home?
229: Worm "swamp"
230: Northern fork
231: Talk to worms
232: Wormsigns
233: Chest pain
234: Brandish your...apology card
235: Mysterious cave
236: Weapon get
237: Battle?
238: Snubbed
239: Go west
240: Up the hill
241: Security breach
242: New friend?
243: Everton Morteus Balmer
244: The magic word
245: A sudden nostalgia for shag carpeting
246: Conversation mode
247: It begins.
248: Inventory got!
249: Choose a path

Celia's Fungus Forest

250: Woods
251: Warning poster
252: Go North
253: Without a paddle
254: Can you cross?
255: Into the Woods
256: ACCOSTED
257: Among us
258: New friend!
259: Which way?
260: Cross the river?
261: Ideas
262: Let sleeping worms lie?
263: Wake it up?
264: Mystery shack
265: Burglarizing
266: Lowered stakes
267: Moldsucker
268: Worm bridge
269: Kill it?

Dungeon Crawl

270: Descent
271: Rock Bottom
272: Head East
273: East Heads
274: BATTLING BABY HEADS WORM
275: VICTORY!
276: Wormhole
277: Mysterious Journal
278: April 1st
279: Go North?
280: Go West?
281: BATTLING BANDAGE WORM
282: BATTLE II
283: VICTORY
284: Second Journal
285: Needle Worm
286: Another win!
287: Third Journal
288: Leaving the caves

Bactopia

289: A little bit of culture
290: Local flavor
291: Question the bartender
292: Shady character
293: Trichia
294: Pickpocketing
295: Bacterial Therapy
296: Medical Staph
297: Staph joins the quest!
298: Acquaintances
299: Shopping
300: Fan Art Gallery III!
301: Item Shop II
302: ITEMS GET
303: Off to the Swamp
304: Balmervision

EXCELLENT MEDICAL FACILITY: TRULY THE FINEST AVAILABLE

305: Zone Call
306: Phaging Doctor Phage
307: Get Around to Business
308: Secret Word
309: Admiring your Handiwork
310: An entirely original thought
311: Perfection!
312: Filed away
313: The Old Agenda
314: The New Agenda
315: Must be a typo
316: Lobby
317: Molly
318: Baby Hospital for Babies
319: Or the Horriday bonus, sorry
320: *sad trombone noises: the revenge*
321: Lickety split
322: Kitty Door
323: Endo-shift
324: Endo-shift II
325: Endo-shift III
326: De-Shifting
327: ???????
328: Purge
329: Docting
330: At LEAST get an online doctorate first.
331: Until Next Time

MAGATHA'S MARSH

332: The Pus Marsh
333: Magatha
334: Frequently assed questions
335: Flybye
336: Late Lunch
337: Dinner Party
338: Don't you ever laugh
339: May the best worm worm
340: A Challenger Approaches
341: TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-COMPETE
342: Gut Feeling
343: Fungus Stew With Extra Salt
344: Irritable (in a) Bowel
345: As the Worm Turns

THE BONELANDS:

346: Bone Zone
347: Inside Story
348: Encouragin' words
349: Book Learnin'
350: Sweet Dreams Aren't Made of Bees
???: I C U
351: Awful Awakening
352: Didn't we already do this?
353: Puzzling it out
354: Flyboy
355: Existentializzzzzzzzzm
356: Life on the Edge
357: Taking the Fall
358: Crossing the Stream
359: Head friend
360: Big deal

THE MARROW DUNGEON:

361: Bone Sweet Bone
362: Flydar
363: Brochure
364: Smelly room
365: Slimy room
366: AWFULVERSARY
367: Does not play the drums
368: BATTLING GHASTLY PHYSICIAN WORM
369: BATTLE ROUND I
370: BATTLE ROUND II - VICTORY!
371: Go North
372: TAKE A LOOK, IT'S IN A BOOK
373: A READING WORMBOW
374: Cautionary Tale
375: Hotheaded
376: She's been yanking your chain
377: Dark Shadows
378: It wasn't the early bird
379: Little help
380: Polyp
381: Worms have turned
382: Grindworm
383: Mystery worm
384: Familiar
385: Puzzling
386: BATTLING UNNECESSARY SURGERY WORM!
387: BATTLE ROUND I
388: BATTLE ROUND II!
389: VICTORY!
390: Consider Tube
391: Time to blow this joint
392: SUCCESS

???

393: ???
394: ?!??!!???!!!
395: Taste Sensation
396: Little things in life
397: Alone time
398: Table manners
399: To the rescue
400: FAN ART GALLERY IV
401: Battling...something
402: BOSS BATTLE ROUND I
403: BOSS BATTLE ROUND II
404: BOSS BATTLE ROUND III
405: BOSS BATTLE ROUND IV: WITH EXPLOSIONS
406: ♪All I wanna do, is see you turn into... ♪
407: ♪...whatever that is! WHATEVER THAT IS!
408: Inappropriate punishment
409: Defusing the situation
410: Still tuckered from all that getting impaled business
411: The ID card
412: Trichia
413: Trichy situation
414: Zappitated

UH OH! Back to the Lab Again

415: SWEET DREAMS
416: The Anomaly
417: Balmer's Big Dumb Plan
418: They call him flipper
419: DOLPHIN'D
420: Monster slayer
421: I'm sorry for making this joke twice nothing.
422: Singular Porpoise
423: Trashy Friends
424: Who's the Boss
425: One Winged Asshole
426: Hatching a plan?
427: Celia's Destiny
428: Garbage Mom
429: Yes we can
430: Limit Broke
431: Celia gets tough
432: The Decisiver Battle
433: "Jade" was too obvious and "Peridot" was taken.
434: Infamous last words.
435: The aftermath.
436: Celia Explains it All.
437: A long time coming.
438: I've been building to this joke for a year.
439: tfw you realize that was a literal statement.

Some kind of pun with "death"

440: A door that doesn't hate you, as far as you know.
441: Welcoming party.
442: He's always so short with you.
443: All yous can eat.
444: Grisly Ghouls from Every Tomb.
445: The Late Bird.

CHAPTER III: A LITTLE OFF THE TOP


New foes, new friends and possibly new appendages await our heroine back at the Hospital. It's time for the surgical ward!

Home Sweet Hospital

446: Surgery IV
447: Wake Up.
448: Staph's Letter.
449: And it ain't no lie.
450: BATTLE!
451: Horror Hall.
452: Open Wound.
453: Cut to the chase already.
454: (The sign says Broken Bone Bros. Bargain Blast)
455: Secrete Shopper
456: Money Grubby
457: Buying stuff
458: BRANCHINATION FOR SUBSAPIOIDS
459: Pondering
460: Diet Disaster
461: An old pal
462: Bloody good company
463: A Friend in Bleed
464: A Lousy Case of Pinkeye
465: Something Afoot
466: Trash Service
467: Slobby Lobby
468: Awful Hall
469: Boarded Up
470: Dr. Man
471: What's up, Doc
472: Dr. Man Explains it Almost
473: Mooned
474: Noteworthy
475: Staincheck
476: Back in the hall
477: Hole lot of useless
478: Using the card
479: Surgery Door

THE SURGICAL WARD

480: Impatient
481: Tori's Lobby
482: Talk to the hand!
483: Colo-risma
484: Insides Intel
485: Rube Tube
486: Coffee Break?
487: Don't ask for the whipped cream
488: Til the last drop
489: Cafe chit-chat
490: Getting Crowded
491: Friendly Reminder
492: The Staff Wing
493: The Computer Room
494: In-comp-etent stealth maneuver
495: This guy really bytes
496: Crash course
497: Logging out
498: Snippy dialog

JAY

499: The Other One
500: 500TH PAGE FAN ART GALLERY
501: Someone's blue
502: Badger him with stupid questions
503: Sneakin around
504: Vendgame
505: Lunch Broken
506: Blue Buries
507: Blue or die
508: I'm saving my last blue joke for later
509: The bleed is done
510: BATTLING L7 SLOB
511: Crash .2
512: A Maze-ing Discourse
513: Logging Out .2
514: Back to the Lobby
515: A Jungle in There
516: Ask the polyp
517: Exploring the Vault
518: BATTLING L10 JAYSLOB

AMAZEING

519: 1UP
520: Wake Up
521: Look Around You
522: Journal
523: Frenemy
524: Caught on definitely real camera
525: Get Spooked
526: Alone again
527: Into the Maze
528: Supply Closet
529: Mystery Skull
530: There wasn't a hole here
531: BATTLING THE ENZYME HOUND
532: Unknown door
533: Oh, chute.
534: Shining Slime Station.
535: No train no gain.
536: Sightunseeing.
537: 50 Shades of RED.
538: Whatever.
539: Bad memories.
540: Jaywalking.
541: BATTLING THE CASU MARZOIL.
542: A cheesy victory.
543: Showered with Affection.
544: Hack Job.
???: Growing Pains.

UR HOWSE: IT A GOOD 1

545: IT U
546: U CAN FINK
547: U CAN DO
548: O NNNNNNOOOOOO
549: WUH!!??
550: HIE
551: IT LOOKK
552: BAD OL
553: TASTEE WERDS
554: MMM MMM
555: GET A???
556: GET A!!!
557: GOT A!!!
558: ERRRR
559: YEAH!
560: UHOH
561: HELO
562: A WHA?
563: ...FREMD?
564: NUHFREMDNUHFREMDNUHFREMD
565: IN A HOL
566: IT BILOBEG
567: IT A TALKS
568: GREAMN ROMME
569: BLODE ROEM
570: BLODE STAN
571: RED A BOKE
572: OK BYE
573: IT A BOEGE
574: IT SMELY
575: IT BUMPIE
576: IT HOELE???
577: IT SCERRY
578: IT...A STOR??
579: A IDDEMS
580: U GOT A
581: WAHT...
582: ...WAY??
583: OH KAY
584: NEW PLAYCE
585: WAHT
586: ???
587: A COMPDODER IS HEAR??

.HACK//COUGH

588: Technology These Days
589: A Modem's Proposal
590: AMA
591: Reinfection
592: Surgery
593: Wake up
594: Talk to Crash
595: Parting Words
596: The Maze
597: Jay's Room
598: Lootin'
599: Jay's Journal
600: 600TH PAGE FA ART GALLERY!!!
601: The Hole
602: ???
603: Blue Done It
604: Dread
605: Leaving a Present
606: Eavesdropping
607: Circula Door-i
608: I apologize for "Circula Door-i" I've done a lot of these okay
609: The Jig is Up...?
610: Meeting Willis
611: What is it you speak of, Willis?
612: Read'er Mail
613: sorry sorry but Circula Drawer-i sorry
614: Paperwork
615: New friend
616: Circula's Core-i
617: It's Official
618: Through the Surgery Doors
619: Surgical Sea
620: Running into Scissors
621: //Sleep Mode??
622: OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT
623: The Operation Begins

??????

???:???
???:???
???:???
???:???
???:???
???:???
???:???
???:???
???:???
???:???
???:???

The Switcheroo

624: Blue'd Awakening
625: Don't worry he's just a cartoon anyway
626: Welcome Back
627: Sleepy T#///;e
628: Step by Step
629: Growinger Pains
630: BATTLING FINAL JAYSLOB
631: ......Victory?
632: Just Crashing Through
633: BATTLING CRASHSLOB

Wrapping Up After Surgery

634: Free Willis
635: Inspection
636: Aftermath
637: The Jig Was Never Not Up
638: Little Truths Revealed
639: Back to the Staff Lobby
640: Computer Chip
641: Chip's Tips I
642: HELP! They're a Book!
643: Professor Lexicovermus Part II
644: Patient Code
645: Inventory Management
646: Fragments
647: Gardenia
648: Lights Out
649: A Cup Of...
650: Oh no.
651: Oh. No.
652: Check the Bathroom.
653: Yes, really.
654: Let's get this over with.
655: Why can't this be forever
656: oh
657: ...oh
658: PHLEBOTO MIZER APPROACHES
659: Through the door...
660: Where You've Wound Up
661: Item Search
662: Cat Down
663: Cut to the Chase
664: Imminent Catastrophe
665: ...?
666: Sorry I didn't come up with anything extra special for page 666
667: She Went Thataway
668: Diving In

The Wound

669: Gross
670: BATTLING L10 MACROBOBBY
671: Locked File #2
672: This way is just abyssmal
673: Unamazed
674: Eccchhhhhscape

A NEW FRIEND?

675: READ THE PURPLE BOOK
676: Grey Chat
677: It A
678: PREPARE FOR BATTLE
679: wait
680: Danger...averted? Again? Maybe?
681: Corpse Letter II
682: Junk in the Box
683: Millie
684: Trash Talk
685: Trashier Talk
686: new frempd
687: Stain in the Membrane
688: The Pinkeye Bug
689: Warts
690: ONCE IN A LIFETIME DEAL
691: Shopping
692: HAPPIE!!! At last
693: Oh no
694: BATTLING BISECTED FERNSLOB
695: Missing Doors
696: The Doctor is Out
697: Snooping
698: 2 Snoopy...
699: ...4 u?
700: 700th PAGE FAN ART GALLERY

INTERMISSION

Secret Origins I: Noisy Tenant
Secret Origins II: Doctor Phage
Secret Origins III: Harmburger
Secret Origins IV: Early Awful Hospital Concepts

Through the Door?

701: The Locked Files
702: Taking Notes
703: Asking Willis
704: Memory Dump
705: Voice Test
706: Setting the Trap
???: Could...
???: He...
???: Really...
???: Be...
???: That..
???: Dumb..........?
???: M
???: A
???: Y
???: B
???: E?
707: ...Yes, yes he is.
708: Willis goes in.
709: Nothing to see here.
710: Password acquired???
711: Oh Thank Heaven
712: A Familiar Face
713: The Truth?
714: Time to Throw Down
715: BATTLING DOCTOR MAN
716: You can't win them all.
717: Parting Words.
718: Responsible-ish Adulting.
719: Unlocked.
720: Through the door.

INTERMISSION II

STAY TUNED

Phage Facts
Slobs Explained
Minor Character Trivia
Character Trivia II: The Corpse Zone!

PHASE II: CHAPTER I: ...EW.


Oh, no, this had BETTER not be where they put your son.
721: Fern's first words in a new frontier.
722: Windifred.
723: Questioning Windifred.
724: Welcome to Your Office.
725: Examining the Office.
726: Your New Boss.
727: Introductions.

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