>Go West

You would rather not fight when you don't have to, so you let the wooden trunk slink off. The mental chatter is all over the place, and you're not sure how well you can trust whatever left that signpost, but you feel like taking your chances with the Western, happy-face path. It goes on uneventfully for some time, before opening up into another split...

There seem to be a few more signs posted; a poorly spelled warning and another happy face pointing to the left. A deep furrow in the slimy hillside ahead looks drier and harder than the surrounding gunk, almost like a staircase. To your right, a strange glow emanates from a forest of what look only moderately like trees.